Survivor: The Church

T his is too good to lose…
*What would happen if churches played “Survivor” with their pastoral staff?*
Each week, after competing in various challenges for reward or immunity, the pastors have to face the predatory council of Deacons, where one will be voted off and then replaced. This will continue untill the rapture.
The challenges will stretch the bounds of pastors spirtual appearance, intelligence and endurance. Some of the challenges that will take place are:
_Memory:_ After meeting 100 new people for 2 min each, pastors compete to see who remembers the most names to faces
_Endurance:_ Pastors will be forced to stand on poles out in the hot sun and pray continually. the last pastor to not repeat himself or give up will be declared the winner
_Puzzle solving:_ All the instruments and sound gear will be removed from the stage. The pastors have to replace the gear in an order that pleases both the congregation and the musicians and the drummer.
_Guile:_ Each pastor will preach an offering sermon to the same congregation over each week. Whatever pastor can extract the most money out of the congregation based on percentage, will be the winner
_Agility:_ Given thirty non-christians in a small holding pen, each pastor much attempt to convert them all in a given period of time.
_Accuracy:_ Scripture quoting competition
_Water Skills:_ pastors must baptise plastic dummies in increasingly disgusting pools of water. starting with a baptismal, going to swamps and ending with pirahna infested rivers
These may be tough challenges, but the prizes are worth it. A free congregation is up for grabs, and not to mention eternal salvation. Rewards include a “sin without consequences” day, a boat cruise with either Joyce Meyer or Kenneth Copeland or the chance to be a nurse in a leprosy hospital. Pastors may also recieve evangelism tools such as Harvest promo’s, aussie slang bibles or the latest Hillsong CD to help them in their later challenges.
Who will be the lone surviving pastor? Not only does he have to pass the council of deacons, but at the annual general meeting, convince the congregation that he is worthy of first prize.
Thanks to Monday Morning Insight Weblog: Pastoral Survivor

Comments are closed.